Monday 22 August 2011
ISLAMIC LAWS? THINK AGAIN...
Saturday 20 August 2011
Feels like this song was written specially for me..
Christina Perri - ARMS
Christina Perri - ARMS
I never thought that you would be
the one to hold my heart
but you came around and
you knocked me off the ground
from the start
you put your arms around me
and I believe that it's easier for you
to let me go
to let me go
you put your arms around me
and I'm home...
How many times will you let me change my mind
and turn around
I can't decide if I'll let you
save my life or if I'll drown
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
you put your arms around me
and I'm home...
The world is coming down on me
and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you
but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
you put your arms around me
and I believe it's easier for you to let me go
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
you put your arms around me
and I'm home...
I tried my best to never let you in
to see the truth
and I've never opened up
I've never truly loved
till you put your arms around me
and I believe it's easier for you to let me go
I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me cause I'm already falling
I'll never let a love get so close
you put your arms around me
and I'm home...
you put your arms around me
and I'm home...
I WAS BORN IN 1975
(I recieved this interesting piece via e-mail and thought it's just too cool not to share it here)
In 1975, the world was a different place.
There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo. Or 36ohk6dgmcd1n.yom.mail.yahoo.net, for that matter.
In 1975, the year of your birth, the top selling movie was Jaws. People buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster.
Remember, that was before there were DVDs. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema, and not downloading them online. Imagine the packed seats, the laughter, the excitement, the novelty. And mostly all of that without 3D computer effects.
Do you know who won the Oscars that year? The academy award for the best movie went to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The Oscar for best foreign movie that year went to Dersu Uzala. The top actor was Jack Nicholson for his role as R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The top actress was Louise Fletcher for her role as Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The best director? Milos Forman for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
In the year 1975, the time when you arrived on this planet, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out.
The number one US bestseller of the time was Ragtime by E. L. Doctorow. Oh, that's many years ago. Have you read that book? Have you heard of it? Look at the cover!
In 1975... Altair 8800 is released, sparking the era of the microcomputer. In relation to the Watergate scandal, former United States Attorney General John N. Mitchell, and former White House aides H. R. Haldeman and John Ehrlichman, are sentenced to between 30 months and 8 years in prison. Iran and Iraq announce a settlement in their border dispute. The United Nations proclaims International Women's Day. Colonel Richard Ratsimandrava, President of Madagascar, is assassinated. Bobby Fischer refuses to play in a chess match against Anatoly Karpov, giving Karpov the title. The Suez Canal opens for the first time since the Six-Day War. The United Kingdom votes yes in a referendum to stay in the European Community. NBC airs the first episode of Saturday Night Live, with George Carlin as the first host.
The first petroleum pipeline opens from Cruden Bay to Grangemouth, Scotland. The wreck of the HMHS Britannic is found in the Kea Channel by Jacques Cousteau. Victoria, Australia, abolishes capital punishment. Volkswagen introduces the Golf, its new front-wheel-drive economy car, in the United States and Canada as the Volkswagen Rabbit. The video game of the day was Pong.
That was the world you were born into. Since then, you and others have changed it.
The Nobel prize for Literature that year went to Eugenio Montale. The Nobel Peace prize went to Andrei Dmitrievich Sakharov. The Nobel prize for physics went to Aage Bohr, Ben Roy Mottelson and Leo James Rainwater from Denmark and the United States for the discovery of the connection between collective motion and particle motion in atomic nuclei and the development of the theory of the structure of the atomic nucleus based on this connection. The sensation this created was big. But it didn't stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year.
Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn't it?
The 1970s were indeed a special decade. Women's liberation continued. The hippie culture faded. There was an opposition to the Vietnam war, and nuclear weapons. The environmentalist movement began. Tom Wolfe coined the decade the "Me decade" due to a new self-awareness. Mao Zedong died and the market began to liberate in China. There was an oil crisis. After the first oil shock, gasoline was rationed in many countries. In Eastern Europe, Soviet-style command economies begin showing signs of stagnation. The Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany, witness the kidnapping and murder of Israeli athletes by Palestinian Arab terrorists. The Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan. The Who, Pink Floyd, The Eagles, Bee Gees, Abba and others play their music. Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison all die at the age of 27. The space mission Apollo 13 nearly ends in disaster. Egypt signed the Egyptian-Israeli peace treaty. There was a revolution in Iran. The world sees its first general microprocessor. The C programming language makes its debut. Consumer video games show up on the scene. Microwave ovens become commercially available. Margaret Thatcher was victorious in the UK elections.
Do you remember the movie that was all the rage when you were 15? Total Recall. Do you still remember the songs playing on the radio when you were 15? Maybe it was How Am I Supposed to Live Without You by Michael Bolton. Were you in love? Who were you in love with, do you remember?
In 1975, 15 years earlier, a long time ago, the year when you were born, the song Fly, Robin, Fly by Silver Convention topped the US charts. Do you know the lyrics? Do you know the tune? Sing along.
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Up, up to the sky
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly Up, up to the sky
...
There's a kid outside, shouting, playing. It doesn't care about time. It doesn't know about time. It shouts and it plays and thinks time is forever. You were once that kid.
When you were 9, the movie Gremlins was playing. When you were 8, there was A Christmas Story. When you were 7, there was a Disney movie out called The Fox and the Hound. Does this ring a bell?
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... it's 1975. There's TV noise coming from the second floor. Someone turned up the volume way too high. The sun is burning from above. These were different times. The show playing on TV is Baretta. The sun goes down. Someone switches channels. There's The Jeffersons on now. That's the world you were born in.
Progress, year after year. Do you wonder where the world is heading towards? The technology available today would have blown your mind in 1975. Do you know what was invented in the year you were born? DNA Sequencing By Chain Termination. The Digital Camera.
I was surprised
I was happy for a day in 1975
I was puzzled by a dream
It stayed with me all day in 1995
...
That's from the song State I Am In by Belle and Sebastian.
In 1975, a new character entered the world of comic books: Colossus. Bang! Boom! But that's just fiction, right? In the real world, in 1975, Charlize Theron was born. And Lauryn Hill. Liv Tyler, too. And you, of course. Everyone an individual. Everyone special. Everyone taking a different path through life.
It's 2011.
The world is a different place.
What path have you taken?
In 1975, the world was a different place.
There was no Google yet. Or Yahoo. Or 36ohk6dgmcd1n.yom.mail.yahoo.net, for that matter.
In 1975, the year of your birth, the top selling movie was Jaws. People buying the popcorn in the cinema lobby had glazing eyes when looking at the poster.Remember, that was before there were DVDs. People were indeed watching movies in the cinema, and not downloading them online. Imagine the packed seats, the laughter, the excitement, the novelty. And mostly all of that without 3D computer effects.
Do you know who won the Oscars that year? The academy award for the best movie went to One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The Oscar for best foreign movie that year went to Dersu Uzala. The top actor was Jack Nicholson for his role as R.P. McMurphy in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The top actress was Louise Fletcher for her role as Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. The best director? Milos Forman for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
In the year 1975, the time when you arrived on this planet, books were still popularly read on paper, not on digital devices. Trees were felled to get the word out.
The number one US bestseller of the time was Ragtime by E. L. Doctorow. Oh, that's many years ago. Have you read that book? Have you heard of it? Look at the cover!In 1975... Altair 8800 is released, sparking the era of the microcomputer. In relation to the Watergate scandal, former United States Attorney General John N. Mitchell, and former White House aides H. R. Haldeman and John Ehrlichman, are sentenced to between 30 months and 8 years in prison. Iran and Iraq announce a settlement in their border dispute. The United Nations proclaims International Women's Day. Colonel Richard Ratsimandrava, President of Madagascar, is assassinated. Bobby Fischer refuses to play in a chess match against Anatoly Karpov, giving Karpov the title. The Suez Canal opens for the first time since the Six-Day War. The United Kingdom votes yes in a referendum to stay in the European Community. NBC airs the first episode of Saturday Night Live, with George Carlin as the first host.
The first petroleum pipeline opens from Cruden Bay to Grangemouth, Scotland. The wreck of the HMHS Britannic is found in the Kea Channel by Jacques Cousteau. Victoria, Australia, abolishes capital punishment. Volkswagen introduces the Golf, its new front-wheel-drive economy car, in the United States and Canada as the Volkswagen Rabbit. The video game of the day was Pong.
That was the world you were born into. Since then, you and others have changed it.
The Nobel prize for Literature that year went to Eugenio Montale. The Nobel Peace prize went to Andrei Dmitrievich Sakharov. The Nobel prize for physics went to Aage Bohr, Ben Roy Mottelson and Leo James Rainwater from Denmark and the United States for the discovery of the connection between collective motion and particle motion in atomic nuclei and the development of the theory of the structure of the atomic nucleus based on this connection. The sensation this created was big. But it didn't stop the planets from spinning, on and on, year by year.
Years in which you would grow bigger, older, smarter, and, if you were lucky, sometimes wiser. Years in which you also lost some things. Possessions got misplaced. Memories faded. Friends parted ways. The best friends, you tried to hold on. This is what counts in life, isn't it?
The 1970s were indeed a special decade. Women's liberation continued. The hippie culture faded. There was an opposition to the Vietnam war, and nuclear weapons. The environmentalist movement began. Tom Wolfe coined the decade the "Me decade" due to a new self-awareness. Mao Zedong died and the market began to liberate in China. There was an oil crisis. After the first oil shock, gasoline was rationed in many countries. In Eastern Europe, Soviet-style command economies begin showing signs of stagnation. The Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany, witness the kidnapping and murder of Israeli athletes by Palestinian Arab terrorists. The Soviet Union invaded Afghanistan. The Who, Pink Floyd, The Eagles, Bee Gees, Abba and others play their music. Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison all die at the age of 27. The space mission Apollo 13 nearly ends in disaster. Egypt signed the Egyptian-Israeli peace treaty. There was a revolution in Iran. The world sees its first general microprocessor. The C programming language makes its debut. Consumer video games show up on the scene. Microwave ovens become commercially available. Margaret Thatcher was victorious in the UK elections.
Do you remember the movie that was all the rage when you were 15? Total Recall. Do you still remember the songs playing on the radio when you were 15? Maybe it was How Am I Supposed to Live Without You by Michael Bolton. Were you in love? Who were you in love with, do you remember?
In 1975, 15 years earlier, a long time ago, the year when you were born, the song Fly, Robin, Fly by Silver Convention topped the US charts. Do you know the lyrics? Do you know the tune? Sing along.
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Up, up to the sky
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly
Fly, robin fly Up, up to the sky
...
There's a kid outside, shouting, playing. It doesn't care about time. It doesn't know about time. It shouts and it plays and thinks time is forever. You were once that kid.
When you were 9, the movie Gremlins was playing. When you were 8, there was A Christmas Story. When you were 7, there was a Disney movie out called The Fox and the Hound. Does this ring a bell?
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... it's 1975. There's TV noise coming from the second floor. Someone turned up the volume way too high. The sun is burning from above. These were different times. The show playing on TV is Baretta. The sun goes down. Someone switches channels. There's The Jeffersons on now. That's the world you were born in.
Progress, year after year. Do you wonder where the world is heading towards? The technology available today would have blown your mind in 1975. Do you know what was invented in the year you were born? DNA Sequencing By Chain Termination. The Digital Camera.
I was surprised
I was happy for a day in 1975
I was puzzled by a dream
It stayed with me all day in 1995
...
That's from the song State I Am In by Belle and Sebastian.
In 1975, a new character entered the world of comic books: Colossus. Bang! Boom! But that's just fiction, right? In the real world, in 1975, Charlize Theron was born. And Lauryn Hill. Liv Tyler, too. And you, of course. Everyone an individual. Everyone special. Everyone taking a different path through life.
It's 2011.
The world is a different place.
What path have you taken?
Sunday 14 August 2011
EXPLORING THE WORLD OF DATING
Since living my life as a single person, I have decided to explore the world of dating once again. The reason for this wasn’t entirely to find someone to fill in the empty spot. Instead, I just wanted to experience the world of dating. You see, I married my first love – got engaged after 3 months of dating and tied the knot a year later. I have very little knowledge of how things work in dating. My knowledge was limited to whatever the magic box and my romantic novels fed me.
“As in other journeys in life, this too needed a plan,” I thought. Since my confidence level wasn’t great and I still felt alien to the whole world of mingling and being sociable with the others, I signed up in a dating site. Okay, okay, I will be completely honest – I signed up in 3 dating sites. For the first week, I received at least 5 messages a day. But I did not reply all of them. I took my own sweet time to analyse their profile and only replied to those who I thought were quite appealing to me.
What’s appealing to me? Well honestly, like other females I am very much attracted to a handsome lad with a gorgeous smile. However, my definition of handsome and gorgeousness may differ from the rest of my female clan. Even my daughter makes a habit of criticizing my taste in men. You see, I am very much attracted to men who are intelligent and smart. My definition of handsome guys are those who seem matured and manly. Gorgeous smile refers to the simple, sweet, honest smile. You may think it isn’t difficult to find a nice chap who is intelligent and has a good smile, but based on my experience, I can definitely tell you otherwise.
My first few encounters through the dating site were foreign guys. Thanks to Skype, Yahoo Messenger and MSN, I had the opportunity to share a few pleasant conversations with them. They were very charming, funny and quite attractive. However, after a few weeks, I realised few of them were actually scammers who were looking for financial aids.
One guy named Gerry, who claimed to be a Spain citizen working in London confessed his love on the second week of our acquaintance and made plans (without even asking me if I felt the same) to migrate to Malaysia. He mentioned about making arrangements with some real estate agents in Kuala Lumpur to purchase a bungalow. All these plans and endless talks about how great our life was going to be actually seemed absurd to me. How in the hell can a person fall in love with someone thousands of miles away, whom they haven’t met in person?
As an intelligent woman myself, I didn’t believe a single thing Gerry said but I did enjoy our conversations, so I just let him continue with whatever bullshit he was saying. Then one fine day, a week before he was supposed to meet me in KL, he told me that he was having difficulty in paying off his workers as his account has been frozen for some reason in Spain and requested if I could wire some RM50k cash to his company in London.
The first thing I did when I received his text message was laugh! Finally what I suspected all along has been proven. So I called him (yes, I made a long distance call to a scammer). I said, “..lo estúpido que cree usted que soy? Lo sentimos, pero usted tiene a la persona equivocada, mi amor..” (thanks to google, now every language is on our finger tips!). To those wondering what that meant: “How stupid do you think I am? I am sorry but you got the wrong person, hunny!” . Guess what was his response? LOL! The moron couldn’t even respond because he did not understand a word I said! So much for someone who claims to be from Spain, eh?
That was the last time I chatted with a foreigner. All my acquaintance after that episode were Malaysians.
That reminds me of Fariz. A bubbly Malay chap who was vibrant, bright, intelligent, sarcastic, funny and very different from the other Malays I have ever met. We chatted for almost a month before deciding to meet. Our first encounter was pleasant and I definitely felt the attraction – not that he was a George Clooney or Gerard Butler, but he had his own unique attraction. After our first date, I received a text from him about what he thought of me. (This is the actual sms I received):
“...A little bit reserved, maybe cos its just the first meet up. Opinionated but not in a negative way. A thinker. I think we can have intelligent conversations together! (or arguments). Errr... You mind if I say you’re quite hot...? I have to think some more – I’m generally not very good at this, especially at this time of night!...”
We continued chatting quite often after that and every time we met, it was always exciting. We used to talk about politics, religion, movies, gossips and everything that came to mind. Seemed like I found the perfect guy – someone who could be my best friend and at the same time offer me great companionship.
But I guess it was all too good to be true. You see, Fariz’s wife left him because she was a career woman while he was all ready to start a family. After many years persuading her, he too finally gave up and they both got a divorce. So how am I, a woman who has lost the ability to conceive be a good match for this sweet guy? Clearly he must have missed the part in my profile (on the dating site) which clearly states that I do not wish to have kids in future. Well, shit happens. And so I moved on.
I guess as human beings, we have been programmed to have a desire to love and be loved. As such, I too continued seeking. Most of the guys I met after Fariz were either looking for ‘friends with benefits’, or were really into this dating game, looking to find a life partner. I wasn’t interested in neither. I am no saint but I am just not the kinda gal who would sleep around. And I wasn’t really ready to make the same mistake I did before by tying the knot like there was no tomorrow.
Once, I met a politician (he lost in the last election). He was much older (and shorter) than me. I remember him very well because he was the only one who dare grab my hand on our first date. Besides that, he would drive different cars (with single digit car registration number) whenever we met. He talked big about his company and his other businesses. I thought he was trying too hard to impress me, so I did a little investigation and found out the guy was actually telling the truth – he was a big shot after all. Soon, he requested to meet my parents and planned for our vacations together. At this point, I could almost see red lights blinking everywhere!
Perhaps he thought all ladies are the same. Show them a little bling-bling and they would drool all over you! Well, excuse me, I ain’t no bitch who would go gugu-gaga to dollar sign. Plus he honestly sucked at conversations. All he says is ‘Cakaplah...suara you manis dan sedap di dengar. Cakaplah...I suka dengar suara you. Cakaplah...’. Tired of talking non-stop like a newsreader, I decided to call it a quit. But the dude wasn’t ready to let go! For weeks he stalked me at my condo (a word of advice: NEVER let a guy send you home on a first date, he can by all means turn out to be a lunatic!) and called/texted me endlessly.
Next was a guy who travelled most of his life. He wanted to find someone who made him feel like home. Upon learning that we both shared many similarities, I decided to meet him. Though he looked 10 years older than his profile picture, it didn’t really bother me because he still looked good and he had so many stories to share with me. He could talk and talk and talk and talk endlessly. The bad news was he wasn’t interested in anything I had to say. Every time I wanted to share my views, he would cut me off. Weirdly enough, instead of me refusing to go out on another date with him, he made it clear he wasn’t interested anymore. I guess the fact that I was much, much taller than him bruised his ego (and I wasn’t even wearing my heels!).
Then there was another charming dude, a single father. He was very cheeky and funny. We chatted for almost 2 weeks but never got to meet face to face. You see, at this point, I wasn’t desperate to find a man. I was more interested to keep the ball rolling and have fun along the way. So I was in no pressure to appear delightful or to giggle at every stupid joke a guy makes. I was practically being my true self.
Well, anyway, as we were chatting as we usually do, he asked me what I was doing and I told him I was updating my Facebook status. Then he started to lecture me about FB being used by Jews to mess with Muslims mind. I explained to him that even tv or laptop can mess with our minds if we let it - it all depends on how disciplined we are. However, he continued making rather idiotic remarks about how Muslims should adhere to the fatwas as decided by the Malaysian mufti and failing to do so can be considered a sin. So I asked him if he smokes. He said yes. “How can you consider yourself a true Muslim if you smoke when our mufti has clearly declared fatwas that says smoking for Muslims is equivalent to suicide and such it should be prohibited?” That was the last conversation I had with the hypocrite.
Then there was a businessman from Terengganu who contacted me on behalf of his friend who was apparently a very shy guy. But after a few conversations, he confessed that he liked me and would like to pursue a relationship. Everything looked fine except the fact that he was the same age as my mom and has a wife plus a dozen kids back in Terengganu! Yet, he tried to persuade me into agreeing to a contractual marriage. Sigh. Men!
After a few months, I got tired of dating online. Though I met a few nice chaps and they seem to be interested as well, but the fact that I came with excess baggage (my children) wasn’t something appealing to them. I understand it can be difficult for a man to date a woman with a child (and here I am with 2 kids!) especially when the child is living with the mother. Badabing badaboom – instant family is what they get! That’s a lot to take in especially if the man was only interested in the woman or if he wants to have a little bundle of joy of his own.
I have dated many men who enjoyed my company and would ask me out almost every week - we would have fun watching movies, dining, shopping or just go for a spin around the city. But after the day out, they would disappear into their own world until it was time to have fun once more. I thought it was quite ridiculous. Forget the fact that we were dating, even as friends, we should always keep in touch even as simple as texting each other asking how ones day was, etc. But to reach out only once a week seem like my role was merely to fill in some empty spot in someone’s weekly planner and I didn’t like that one bit.
“So what’s next?” I asked myself. The crazy personality in me shouted to do something outrages, something totally mad and something I wouldn’t normally do. So I registered in a matchmaking agency, LOL! Now, I wasn’t all out to look for a soul mate. I simply want to explore my singlehood and if ultimately I do find my companion, then that’s fine.
Anyway, back to the matchmaking agency – yes, I did pay them to find me dates. But in this illogical mind of mine, I thought it would be a good investment. You see, the agency only accepts professionals, so I am guaranteed of good men. I signed up for 5 introductions, so dinner with each of them would clearly make a breakeven plus I would end up having good acquaintances. Oh man, was I wrong or what!
The way this matchmaking thingy work is you are not given a picture of the person you shall be seeing. Instead, the agency will find you the best match and inform you of their profile. Upon your agreement, your contact number will be handed over to the guy and vice versa.
The first guy I was supposed to meet was said to be of a mixed race, Muslim guy, has his own business, divorcee, doesn’t have kids and is ok with me having 2 kids. So I was quite excited to meet this dude. But it was a major disappointment when I found out that this guy was actually someone I met before through online dating. Frankly speaking, he was the guy who wanted a goodnite kiss (French style) at the end of our first date. Eager to know how my date went with him? Well, let me put it this way – it would entitle a spot in Malaysian Book of Records as the shortest date ever!
The second guy was a Chinese Muslim who refused to chat on the phone, instead wanted to meet personally. Guess what? The dickhead stood me up! And that’s the end of his story.
The third guy was a Middle East-Caucasian mixed. During our first chat on the phone, he insisted that he wanted to know how I looked like before meeting me in person. So we added each other in our Facebook. He was indeed a darn good looking fellow! Great profile too. He had pictures of him with the Prime Minister, the King and some famous figures in his Facebook photo album.
I guess he must’ve liked what he saw because he called me soon after for a chat. But our chat soon turned out to be a disaster. In the process of getting to know each other, he asked me what my dream was. So I shared the simple dream that I have. Apparently my dream wasn’t good enough for him.
He had the balls to tell me, “Do you call that a dream? Dreams should be something big, something spectacular. How can you call yourself a writer and not be able to have a fantastic dream? You should be creative as a writer and your simple dream doesn’t justify your profession as a writer! Now take my dream for example, I dream of having a huge bungalow on a hilly area with beautiful garden and pool and blablablablabla...”.
I just lost it that day. “Excuse me, it is MY dream. So it is up to me to decide what its gonna be. I can be a writer, I can be the fucking queen but that doesn’t mean I should make up a dream – that is NOT a dream, that is a fantasy,” I said.
But the asshole just couldn’t deal with it. He continued making a big fuss, listing down why my dream isn’t good enough. So to cut things short, I told him to go and suck his own ****. Oh yes I did!
Now, here comes the fourth guy – a Pakistani businessman who owns few shops in Jalan Masjid India. Ok, let me simplify it – no looks, not good in conversation, bad English, bad Malay, bad sense of fashion and smelled like Bangla.
So do you think I would go for my fifth introduction? Well, I called in a day later and requested they freeze my account. I guess I made a total loss! What the heck – shit happens (though it looks like happening a lot to me lately).
As funny as it might seem, the entire episode of dating and meeting people actually made me a better person. I realise my own worth. I realise that I am a special person who shouldn’t be compromising on who I should be with. I deserve someone special. No. I deserve someone fantastic! And if that fantastic someone doesn’t show up on my door step, then it is fine. But I shall not settle for anyone less.
Throughout these dating ordeal, I have learnt a valueable lesson: If you cannot find peace in yourself, it is futile to search for it elsewhere. In other words, if you are looking for absolute fulfilment in another person, you are setting yourself up for failure.
Many start to date for the sake of dating. Dating, in the sense that I have defined it, is an intentional decision utilized to determine romantic possibilities. Anything done out of boredom does not imply a desire to love someone else, but a desire to remove the boredom by using the other person. You may be bored and want to date someone because you have nothing better to do. The person you are on the date with may already be planning the wedding. Feelings have a tendency to spring up when two people spend a lot of time together. If you are with the person for your own comfort, then you are dating for the wrong reasons. Pity and boredom have no place in establishing a dating relationship.
I now have given up dating. But I still find pleasure in meeting people. I just lay my cards on the table and ensure I am not sending false signals to them. I make it clear that friendship is all I can offer for the time being.
Saturday 13 August 2011
YELLOW DINNER: A NIGHT TO REMEMBER
While many of us chose to stay home on July the 9th 2011, a few thousands of our fellow Malaysians made a choice and took risks. They chose to march on the streets of Kuala Lumpur to restore the integrity of our electoral process without being intimidated by the FRU, police, water cannons and the tear gases. It was a choice made by them, for their future, for their nation.
And so, on the 16th July 2011, upon hearing about the Yellow Dinner taking place in Lotus PJ State Restaurant, I too made a choice. I chose to participate. I wanted to see the faces of my Malaysian mates who stood up for what they believed in. I wanted to listen to their experiences first-hand. But most of all, I wanted to find out the truth.
I was the first to arrive there. I sat at a corner waiting patiently for the yellow crowd to make their entrance. Upon ordering my paper tosai, I realised many curious eyes were set on me – yes, I was in yellow. Yellow is definitely not my colour. I remember telling myself that I looked like a huge pumpkin wearing the yellow blouse. And the fact that I had to wear a yellow maternity blouse (that’s all I could find in short notice since my yellow tees were all in the washer) did not help. But what the heck, perhaps after midnight, this huge yellow pumpkin would turn into something amazing, I thought. Yes, amazing is indeed the right word.
By half past seven, people started filling up the restaurant. The Jalur Gemilang placed strategically on one table made it clear that this was a gathering of Malaysians, for Malaysians, concerning Malaysians. Strangers dressed in yellow shook hands. Some hugged each other. A few not in their yellow uniform who joined the crowd said they were yellow in spirit. Soon one table became two, and then three and the numbers kept increasing. And I was proud to be there.
It was an extraordinary dinner for me. It was remarkable to see how people of different background, ethnic, religion and status can come together simply because they believed in the same thing. With due respect to the PM, this is the true 1Malaysia. Ironically, our PM and his cabinet ministers who have been chanting 1Malaysia for the longest time would never agree with me.
We had passers-by giving us strange look. There were some patrons eagerly asking around what was going on. At one point, we heard the police siren on the street nearby. But nothing mattered because something amazing took place in Lotus PJ State that night.
All too often we are busy chasing after our own personal agenda. But at the Yellow Dinner, we shared a common agenda. It was amazing. No, it was beyond amazing. The atmosphere was breathtaking.
I heard stories of strangers holding hands, marching together. I saw the smiles on their faces when they told me how individuals became groups of tens, and then grew to hundreds and thousands. I saw them giving hi-5’s when they learnt that they were with the same group on the 9th of July. I witnessed strangers breaking the ice simply by a smile and a nod and soon they joined the conversation and shared laughs.
In a time where people are too obsessed with I, me and myself, I heard stories of how strangers helped each other: A family opening their door to provide shelter for some 50 people running away from the tear gas, store owners passing out water bottles for free to those on the street, people of different ethnicity giving out helping hands as they pulled each other across the gate and over the hilly areas.
I heard about how the FRUs ordered them to sit on the street and as the crowd did as told, they were fired more tear gas. It was unprovoked. Many couldn’t see and had difficulty breathing. However, in the chaos, there was always someone around to help. Some guided them to a safer site; some offered water to wash their faces and some gave tips where to hide.
A journalist shared her story of how she was shot by water cannons and experienced the tear gas and as she crumbled and stood on the street not knowing what to do, where to go or how to react to the commotion, there were strangers who took charge and helped.
At a point, I laughed hysterically as I heard about people passing salt to each other to reduce the effect of tear gas. Many did not know what to do with them. Some rubbed the salt on their body while a friend of mine sniffed it. I learnt that night that in order to reduce the pain, one should simply put it in their mouth.
A friend told me about people who were outraged at how the peace rally had turned into. They started picking up the tear gas canisters and threw them back at the FRU. Some made their way to the water cannons despite being shot by it only to give it a few kick. That was how frustrated they were with the entire ordeal.
Everyone at the Yellow Dinner agreed that on the 9th July, true unity was in action. This reminded me of a speech by our PM a couple of months earlier. He said “...But while a man standing in the road is a nuisance, a mere distraction, 10 men standing together are harder to ignore. And if those 10 become 100, a thousand, a million, a billion even, they become a force so big, so strong and so united in their common cause...”
A blogger recently wrote on her blog upon returning from the Bersih 2.0 rally, “I went as a spectator. I returned as a believer”. I cannot say I returned as a believer because I have always been a believer. I believe in our Federal Constitution and I believe in human’s right, justice and freedom.
On my journey home, I started thinking about the rest of my fellow Malaysians who are still alienating themselves from Bersih. To support Bersih is not about wearing yellow or provoking the government. It is about believing in the concept of Bersih. What started as a call for fair and clean election has now grew to demands for human rights and justice and freedom. Who in their right minds wouldn’t support people power?
Perhaps we are curious creatures who hate things to change. We prefer to be in the auto pilot mode because we want to stay comfortable without having the need to adapt to changes. I understand that change is often resisted as the outcome is uncertain. But growth can’t happen without change and being a successful nation is the ability to adapt to change. To not deal with things that matters denies our very right to grow as individuals.
I know many Malaysians who are in dilemma. I have met and talked to many who share the same dilemma. They simply do not know what to do. Should they just observe? Or should they just leave it to the rest to fight for it? Or perhaps they should simply make a note of it and do nothing?
So what happens if other people don’t see it the way we do? What if they try to imagine but they just can’t see the possibilities that we see? What do we do then? It can be frustrating to see our fellow Malaysians minding their own business as we fight this battle for the entire nation.
One thing we can do is to be patient and honest. Share with them why we see the change as being genuinely better for everyone especially for our next generation, for our children and grandchildren and their family. After all, we are all human. We all want things to change if we see the real benefits. One common thing that we all share is the Malaysian dream. If everyone unites for this dream, then all the bumps and twists and turns that we encounter wouldn’t slow us a bit.
‘Unity is like a body- kick it in the leg and the rest of the body feels it. Kick it hard enough and the entire body will be energised to defend itself.’
A Russian philosopher once said, “I know that my unity with all people cannot be destroyed by national boundaries and government order”. I now realise the truth in that. I missed the unity on the 9th of July on the streets of Kuala Lumpur but I felt it at the Yellow Dinner. I am now eagerly waiting for whatever that’s next to come. I might not dress up like a yellow pumpkin in the future but believe me, the colour of blood in my veins are now yellow!
LET'S TALK ABOUT PATRIOTISM
George Bernard Shaw once said “Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.”
This statement made me think- Can a person be devoted to one's country for no other reason than being a citizen of that country?
Let’s take Malaysia for example. We were colonised for 446 years by the Portuguese, Dutch, British and Japanese empires until our independence in 1957. Since then, we have progressed to become who we are now. Our unique history has constructed us to be who we are today. Our different traditions, customs, religion and ethnicity affected each and every one of us and have moulded us into the individual we are today.
The unique spirit of the Malaysian people is what makes us special. Regardless of our colour, we all enjoy a plate of roti canai banjir, hot steamy nasi lemak, tosai, dim sum, etc. We all enjoy the lion dances during Chinese New Year, ketupat and lemangs during Hari Raya and the colourful rice kolams during Deepavali. We have become one huge melting pot.
Our diversity not only enriches ourselves, but also enriches our nation. Our uniqueness makes Malaysia unique as well. I have heard many positive remarks from foreign friends who made trips to Malaysia, and they never fail to remind me of how lucky I am to be born in Malaysia.
I am sure we all know how lucky we are to be born in Malaysia. We are free of natural disasters – the only natural disaster that frequently occurs for Malaysians is when it rains non-stop, creating massive traffic jams or when it gets too hot and we start rubbing our foreheads at local clinics, hoping the doc would write us a free MC.
We have no war. The only war that ever happens around here is when we start questioning the mamak why the bill for white rice with fish curry, fried egg and long beans is 50 sen more than the day before. Or when a lady driver makes an illegal turn and knocks on a car passing by. Or when your neighbour, being an animal lover, brings home 5 dogs and places the kennel right next to your fence, causing you sleepless nights.
Yes, we are indeed lucky to be Malaysian. But I wonder if we are so lucky to be Malaysian, then why do many of us regard Malaysia as a ‘rest house’? You see, there are many so called Malaysians who live in Malaysia, but makes investments overseas; they look for career opportunities overseas; they plan to send their children to study overseas, they go vacation overseas and they even have plans to migrate overseas.
While many foreigners are choosing to settle down in Malaysia, we choose to leave our home. While mat sallehs and our Asian neighbours find our beaches breathtaking and our cities amazing, we choose to be elsewhere but home. While Africans, Middle Eastern and Asians flood our local universities, we look down on our educational system and talk big about studying abroad. The grass does look greener on the other side, eh?
This brings me back to my question - Can a person be devoted to one's country for no other reason than being a citizen of that country? My answer is ‘No’.
It takes a lot more for a person to be devoted to the country they were born in. It takes love, and courage and faith. Love – to accept Malaysia the way she is; Courage – to protect Malaysia’s integrity; Faith- to believe it is possible to create a better Malaysia for our future generation.
It is rather sad that despite working towards to create a better Malaysia, many of us rather talk about it.
Before 1957, our fellow Malaysians would hang around at kedai kopi and kopitiam to discuss about the British propaganda and plan out strategies in order to demand for independence. Today, we fancy having a round of caramel macchiato and coffee frappucino in Starbucks and Coffee Beans as we criticize about every single thing happening around us.
From chats about the Sarawak MB’s new wife to our First Lady’s jewellery collection; corruption among the police to the murder of the Mongolian beauty; the increase in oil price to the purchase of submarines; politicians sex videos to Bersih videos on youtube.
Though it is overwhelming to see Malaysians taking interest in issues that concerns them, I don’t see any benefits of this so-called lepak sessions (well, besides giving business to our local mamak shop, that is). All we seem to do is talk. But when it comes to real action, many of us choose to take the ‘tunggu dan lihat’ approach.
How can we be devoted to Malaysia if we don’t even bother to take action in order to shape our nation’s future? Many of us fail to understand that our responsibility as citizens of Malaysia is beyond flying the Jalur Gemilang during the Merdeka month or casting votes at every election.
So what should a devoted Malaysian do? I believe patriotism comes in various forms. Throwing trash into the designated place in order to keep our country clean is an act of patriotism. So is obeying the traffic lights and paying summonses before dateline. Even marching on the streets in the interest of the entire nation is an act of patriotism.
Remember, it is not the land or government that makes the country. It’s the people.
This reminds me of a quote by a British historian, “Our country is not the only thing we owe our allegiance. It is also owed to justice and to humanity. Patriotism consists not in waving the flag, but in striving that our country shall be righteous as well as strong.”
Let this Merdeka month bring out the patriot in all of us. Let it remind us of our hopes and aspirations for our nation. And don’t forget to fly the Jalur Gemilang. It is the symbol of our unity. It is a testament that our future lies not in us trying to outdo each other. Instead, our salvation depends on us looking out for one another.
AN IDIOT'S GUIDE TO MARKETING
A good friend shared this joke with me. I thought it was darn funny and decided to share it here.
An Idiot's Guide To Marketing
Samy Vellu sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
Mukhriz sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
One of his loyal UMNO friends goes up to her and pointing
At Mukhriz and says: "He's very rich. Marry him!"
That's Advertising.
Khir Toyo sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and gets her telephone number.
The next day, he calls and says: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me!"
That's Telemarketing.
Khairy is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl.
He gets up and straightens his tie, walks up to her and pours her a drink, he opens the door (of the car) for her, picks up her bag after she drops it, offers her ride and then says: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you Marry Me?"
That's Public Relations.
Razak Baginda is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl.
The girl walks up to him and says:
"You are very rich! Can you marry me?"
That's Brand Recognition.
Syed Hamid sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
She gives Hamid a tight slap on his face.
That's Customer Feedback.
Not satisfied, Hamid goes to see another gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
And she introduces Hamid to her husband.
That's Demand and Supply gap.
Abdullah sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and before he can say anything,
Another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
And she goes with him.
That's competition eating into your market share.
And finally Najib sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and before he can say: "I'm rich, Marry me!"
Rosmah arrives!
That's restriction from entering a new market.
An Idiot's Guide To Marketing
Samy Vellu sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.
Mukhriz sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
One of his loyal UMNO friends goes up to her and pointing
At Mukhriz and says: "He's very rich. Marry him!"
That's Advertising.
Khir Toyo sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and gets her telephone number.
The next day, he calls and says: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me!"
That's Telemarketing.
Khairy is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl.
He gets up and straightens his tie, walks up to her and pours her a drink, he opens the door (of the car) for her, picks up her bag after she drops it, offers her ride and then says: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you Marry Me?"
That's Public Relations.
Razak Baginda is at a party and sees a gorgeous girl.
The girl walks up to him and says:
"You are very rich! Can you marry me?"
That's Brand Recognition.
Syed Hamid sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
She gives Hamid a tight slap on his face.
That's Customer Feedback.
Not satisfied, Hamid goes to see another gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and says: "I am very rich. Marry me!"
And she introduces Hamid to her husband.
That's Demand and Supply gap.
Abdullah sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and before he can say anything,
Another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"
And she goes with him.
That's competition eating into your market share.
And finally Najib sees a gorgeous girl at a party.
He goes up to her and before he can say: "I'm rich, Marry me!"
Rosmah arrives!
That's restriction from entering a new market.
THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF SINGLEHOOD
After living with someone for years, it is not easy to start all over.. alone. When that person is suddenly gone from your environment, it can be a bit of a shock when the sense of loss kicks in. Every single thing can remind you of your loneliness such as an empty bed, a missing toothbrush or even the occasional snoring you hear from the other side of the bed. Everybody who goes through a divorce will surely struggle with the transition, even the person who initiated it. But hey, look at the bright side: For everything you lose, You gain something else. So when you lose a life partner, what do you gain?
LOSS: Having a warm body sleeping next to you.
GAIN: Absence of snoring and ability to sleep in any position as you wish.
LOSS: Someone to hold you tight at night, to make u feel safe
GAIN: Go get a comfy bolster. It's softer and more flexible than the real thing.
LOSS: The empty side of the closet, drawers and wardrobes.
GAIN: Are you kidding me? It's time to go shopping and get new stuffs to fill em up!
LOSS: The scent of a man.
GAIN: It doesn't always smell so good. It's a better idea to get some aromatic candles and enjoy the relaxing moment.
LOSS: Not having someone to share meals with.
GAIN: Good news is you don't always have to prepare dinner. You can have cereal for dinner or even makan in front of the tv, nobody's complaining!
LOSS: You miss someone to watch tv with.
GAIN: You get the sole posession of the remote.
LOSS: Having someone to go out with on Friday/Saturday nights.
GAIN: You can have more time to go out with your girlfriends.
LOSS: Having companionship.
GAIN: Expand your horizon, date, go out and meet people. This can lead to new adventures.
LOSS: Not having anyone to do the handy work around the house.
GAIN: Take it as a challenge and learn how to do them. By doing this, you gain self empowerment. If not, hire a cute handyman who can do a good job and look good while doing it.
LOSS: Sex (Not that it was fantastic anyway!~)
GAIN: There are some amazing technological devices meant to serve this purpose for women! Buzzzzzzzzz.....
Of course there will be moments of vulnerability that will intensify the feelings of loneliness especially during wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and so on. If we take time to allow ourselves to grieve and feel the pain, we can move on to create a better life. Positive changes and optimistic mindset will help enrich our lives and make us a happier person.
Afterall, there must be a reason many women choose to stay single and are happy staying single...
LOSS: Having a warm body sleeping next to you.
GAIN: Absence of snoring and ability to sleep in any position as you wish.
LOSS: Someone to hold you tight at night, to make u feel safe
GAIN: Go get a comfy bolster. It's softer and more flexible than the real thing.
LOSS: The empty side of the closet, drawers and wardrobes.
GAIN: Are you kidding me? It's time to go shopping and get new stuffs to fill em up!
LOSS: The scent of a man.
GAIN: It doesn't always smell so good. It's a better idea to get some aromatic candles and enjoy the relaxing moment.
LOSS: Not having someone to share meals with.
GAIN: Good news is you don't always have to prepare dinner. You can have cereal for dinner or even makan in front of the tv, nobody's complaining!
LOSS: You miss someone to watch tv with.
GAIN: You get the sole posession of the remote.
LOSS: Having someone to go out with on Friday/Saturday nights.
GAIN: You can have more time to go out with your girlfriends.
LOSS: Having companionship.
GAIN: Expand your horizon, date, go out and meet people. This can lead to new adventures.
LOSS: Not having anyone to do the handy work around the house.
GAIN: Take it as a challenge and learn how to do them. By doing this, you gain self empowerment. If not, hire a cute handyman who can do a good job and look good while doing it.
LOSS: Sex (Not that it was fantastic anyway!~)
GAIN: There are some amazing technological devices meant to serve this purpose for women! Buzzzzzzzzz.....
Of course there will be moments of vulnerability that will intensify the feelings of loneliness especially during wedding anniversaries, birthdays, holidays and so on. If we take time to allow ourselves to grieve and feel the pain, we can move on to create a better life. Positive changes and optimistic mindset will help enrich our lives and make us a happier person.
Afterall, there must be a reason many women choose to stay single and are happy staying single...
LET'S TALK ABOUT LIFE AND A ROLL OF POPIA
14 July 2011
“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life was as simple as popia?” asked a friend during a phone conversation last night. Why popia? Well, all you need to do is place the stuffing in the middle, fold the skin and there you have it!
The statement cracked both of us and we ended up laughing hysterically at 2 o’clock in the morning. Upon hanging up the phone, I started analysing the things we talked about. I was fascinated about the whole idea on life being as simple as popia. I agree life can be like a roll of popia but is it simple? That got me thinking...
You see, there are many variations of popia. Some like it fried, brown and crunchy, while some like it unfried, wet and soft. Some prefer the vegetable stuffing while others go for the traditional shrimp based stuffing. With all this variation, how can popia be simple? How can life ever be simple?
To have a simple life, one shall not have dreams or aspirations. To have a simple life, one shall be satisfied with what/where he/she has/is at the moment. As human, we know that is impossible for we are creatures of great greed. Our needs and wants in life changes every second. When we are single, we seek companionship. Once we have a companion, we seek commitment. Once we have a committed relationship, we seek to be successful in our career. The list of our needs and wants are unlimited.
The weird thing is, the more our needs and wants are achieved, the more confused we get. What is confusion? Well confusion is a state of mind where we have to make a choice from the readily available alternatives. Do I eat the fried popiah or the wet popiah? Do I choose Mr A or Mr B? Do I stay single or commit to a relationship? Do I focus on my career or start a family?
Confusions are necessary in life. Without it, we wouldn’t know the course of action to take. It provides us with alternatives to fulfil human motives such as pleasure, sex, greed, laziness and selfishness. As human, we also tend to grow and evolve. We don’t let our mind remain in a state of confusion. We allow the experience from the choices we have made in the past to shape our future by learning from mistakes.
Everyone chooses differently; everyone learns differently; but ultimately everyone reaches the same conclusion. Whether it is our career or family or love, we all seek happiness. It is the one thing all of us seek for ultimately.
There is nothing wrong wanting to be happy. Our needs and wants and desires are a positive thing. It helps us grow. A baby’s desire for a toy that is out of reach motivates him to learn to crawl. A man’s desire to get that promotion he always wanted makes him go through multiple sleepless nights. A woman’s desire to look beautiful at whatever cost makes her bash her ass at the gym.
As we graduate from one desire to the next, we start living in a constant state of wanting and needing. There is no end to it. This is the complexity of our lives. The choices, the confusions and the desire in us keep growing every single day. So how can life be simple?
Life has never been simple and will never be simple. Life is a game with numerous aspects that you need to learn and master. And it all begins with choices we make. Each choice comes with risks. To live life is to take risks.
So, popia anyone?
“Wouldn’t it be wonderful if life was as simple as popia?” asked a friend during a phone conversation last night. Why popia? Well, all you need to do is place the stuffing in the middle, fold the skin and there you have it!
The statement cracked both of us and we ended up laughing hysterically at 2 o’clock in the morning. Upon hanging up the phone, I started analysing the things we talked about. I was fascinated about the whole idea on life being as simple as popia. I agree life can be like a roll of popia but is it simple? That got me thinking...
You see, there are many variations of popia. Some like it fried, brown and crunchy, while some like it unfried, wet and soft. Some prefer the vegetable stuffing while others go for the traditional shrimp based stuffing. With all this variation, how can popia be simple? How can life ever be simple?
To have a simple life, one shall not have dreams or aspirations. To have a simple life, one shall be satisfied with what/where he/she has/is at the moment. As human, we know that is impossible for we are creatures of great greed. Our needs and wants in life changes every second. When we are single, we seek companionship. Once we have a companion, we seek commitment. Once we have a committed relationship, we seek to be successful in our career. The list of our needs and wants are unlimited.
The weird thing is, the more our needs and wants are achieved, the more confused we get. What is confusion? Well confusion is a state of mind where we have to make a choice from the readily available alternatives. Do I eat the fried popiah or the wet popiah? Do I choose Mr A or Mr B? Do I stay single or commit to a relationship? Do I focus on my career or start a family?
Confusions are necessary in life. Without it, we wouldn’t know the course of action to take. It provides us with alternatives to fulfil human motives such as pleasure, sex, greed, laziness and selfishness. As human, we also tend to grow and evolve. We don’t let our mind remain in a state of confusion. We allow the experience from the choices we have made in the past to shape our future by learning from mistakes.
Everyone chooses differently; everyone learns differently; but ultimately everyone reaches the same conclusion. Whether it is our career or family or love, we all seek happiness. It is the one thing all of us seek for ultimately.
There is nothing wrong wanting to be happy. Our needs and wants and desires are a positive thing. It helps us grow. A baby’s desire for a toy that is out of reach motivates him to learn to crawl. A man’s desire to get that promotion he always wanted makes him go through multiple sleepless nights. A woman’s desire to look beautiful at whatever cost makes her bash her ass at the gym.
As we graduate from one desire to the next, we start living in a constant state of wanting and needing. There is no end to it. This is the complexity of our lives. The choices, the confusions and the desire in us keep growing every single day. So how can life be simple?
Life has never been simple and will never be simple. Life is a game with numerous aspects that you need to learn and master. And it all begins with choices we make. Each choice comes with risks. To live life is to take risks.
So, popia anyone?
Tuesday 9 August 2011
STEPPING OUT OF MY BOX
November 14th, 2010.
Every so often we all find ourselves questioning who we are, why we are and why things happen to us the way they do. Occasionally, these questions messes our mind so much that we feel boxed in. And when we get boxed in, we lose our sense of direction. Why is it that we live our lives on questioning every single detail that comes in our way? Why is it that we are so obsessed on hearing the answers that we want to hear instead of what we need to hear? Why is it we are hurt by the truths that we fully know, but refuse to accept? Maybe if we could accept things as they are, the world as a whole could be a much better place. To not deal with things that matters denies us our very right to grow as individuals. It takes courage for each of us as individuals to look into the mirror and explore inwards. It takes more courage to see us as we really are and accept what we are capable of rather than to fear of exposing ourselves. But honestly, exposing who we really are as humans, is the biggest fear we all carry.
Each one of us is a product of all that we have deemed negative since our childhood. From the slap on the backside for wrong-doing, to being corrected on our speech, our minds shaped us into the individuals we are and how we choose to live our lives. And so we go through our lives each day with those fears, without even knowing we have them. All our fears grow up within us and intervenes our choices in life. Eventually they will suffocate who we are and leave us nothing more than a soul in a box. I have been that soul in a box for far too long. I have felt suffocated and I have feared everything that came my way. The fear I carry in me forced me to compromise with every small details in my life. Yes, compromise is indeed one thing that most of us never fear.
Looking into my soul in this box of mine, I realise my biggest fear. I fear of getting hurt and rejected. I fear of living a lonely life until the end. I fear of finding no one to love me for who I am. But most of all, I fear falling in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. I have undergone quite an intense transformation in my life. From being the wife of a Vice President of a Multinational company, I became just me. I have had to cope with health, financial and personal issues that have totally reshaped my life. In the process, I have been able to find myself. I have been able to question who I am and what this life means to me.
As human beings, we have always taken for granted the life that we have been blessed with. All too often we blame and curse others for our own shortcomings. Too many of us never see what the world has to offer. All we see is the greed for prosperity as we are taught from the earliest days of our lives that we have to ‘be somebody’. We are not taught about simple appreciation. With all the bumps and twists and turns that life throws at us as we grow older, we need to learn to live life. We are only here for a short time. We should choose to get out of our boxes. Start living our lives as we have pictured it in our minds. Stop dreaming and start exploring every possibility this life has to offer.
I now live my life, knowing that I walked away from many successes that I had spent many years trying to achieve. The chapters of my life turned out to be nothing more than a learning experience. With that experience, I am now stepping out of my box. I choose to leave my fear in the box. I choose to live my life the way I want to. I choose to freely feel what I feel in my heart and in my soul. I choose to let myself fall in love. This is a choice made by me, for me, concerning me. Who are others to tell me that my children should be the only love in my life? Who are others to tell me that I need to take time to fall in love? Who are others to tell me it is wrong to love, whether in a certain way, a certain individual or even a certain time and location?
All too often we try to please others around us. We do what someone else wants to see us do, or to respond in a manner that makes everyone else easy. Why would anyone feel it is their business to tell us how we should live our life, how we should be reacting to our personal emotions? Never do we reserve our feelings of disappointment, envy, regret or hate. But for love we keep our feelings locked up in our hearts, ever fearful of being found out...fearful of being rejected. Why sweep the most beautiful of feelings under the carpet?
To love is a wonderful thing. When all is said and done, it matters not whom we have loved or if that person loves us back, only thing that matters is that we have loved. We cannot deny who we are or deny ourselves our right to love. Perhaps if everyone opens up their heart and step out of their respective boxes, we could explore ourselves and discover what we are capable of. Maybe then we will realise that we are just ordinary human beings and we would be amazed on how love comes naturally to us....
Every so often we all find ourselves questioning who we are, why we are and why things happen to us the way they do. Occasionally, these questions messes our mind so much that we feel boxed in. And when we get boxed in, we lose our sense of direction. Why is it that we live our lives on questioning every single detail that comes in our way? Why is it that we are so obsessed on hearing the answers that we want to hear instead of what we need to hear? Why is it we are hurt by the truths that we fully know, but refuse to accept? Maybe if we could accept things as they are, the world as a whole could be a much better place. To not deal with things that matters denies us our very right to grow as individuals. It takes courage for each of us as individuals to look into the mirror and explore inwards. It takes more courage to see us as we really are and accept what we are capable of rather than to fear of exposing ourselves. But honestly, exposing who we really are as humans, is the biggest fear we all carry.
Each one of us is a product of all that we have deemed negative since our childhood. From the slap on the backside for wrong-doing, to being corrected on our speech, our minds shaped us into the individuals we are and how we choose to live our lives. And so we go through our lives each day with those fears, without even knowing we have them. All our fears grow up within us and intervenes our choices in life. Eventually they will suffocate who we are and leave us nothing more than a soul in a box. I have been that soul in a box for far too long. I have felt suffocated and I have feared everything that came my way. The fear I carry in me forced me to compromise with every small details in my life. Yes, compromise is indeed one thing that most of us never fear.
Looking into my soul in this box of mine, I realise my biggest fear. I fear of getting hurt and rejected. I fear of living a lonely life until the end. I fear of finding no one to love me for who I am. But most of all, I fear falling in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. I have undergone quite an intense transformation in my life. From being the wife of a Vice President of a Multinational company, I became just me. I have had to cope with health, financial and personal issues that have totally reshaped my life. In the process, I have been able to find myself. I have been able to question who I am and what this life means to me.
As human beings, we have always taken for granted the life that we have been blessed with. All too often we blame and curse others for our own shortcomings. Too many of us never see what the world has to offer. All we see is the greed for prosperity as we are taught from the earliest days of our lives that we have to ‘be somebody’. We are not taught about simple appreciation. With all the bumps and twists and turns that life throws at us as we grow older, we need to learn to live life. We are only here for a short time. We should choose to get out of our boxes. Start living our lives as we have pictured it in our minds. Stop dreaming and start exploring every possibility this life has to offer.
I now live my life, knowing that I walked away from many successes that I had spent many years trying to achieve. The chapters of my life turned out to be nothing more than a learning experience. With that experience, I am now stepping out of my box. I choose to leave my fear in the box. I choose to live my life the way I want to. I choose to freely feel what I feel in my heart and in my soul. I choose to let myself fall in love. This is a choice made by me, for me, concerning me. Who are others to tell me that my children should be the only love in my life? Who are others to tell me that I need to take time to fall in love? Who are others to tell me it is wrong to love, whether in a certain way, a certain individual or even a certain time and location?
All too often we try to please others around us. We do what someone else wants to see us do, or to respond in a manner that makes everyone else easy. Why would anyone feel it is their business to tell us how we should live our life, how we should be reacting to our personal emotions? Never do we reserve our feelings of disappointment, envy, regret or hate. But for love we keep our feelings locked up in our hearts, ever fearful of being found out...fearful of being rejected. Why sweep the most beautiful of feelings under the carpet?
To love is a wonderful thing. When all is said and done, it matters not whom we have loved or if that person loves us back, only thing that matters is that we have loved. We cannot deny who we are or deny ourselves our right to love. Perhaps if everyone opens up their heart and step out of their respective boxes, we could explore ourselves and discover what we are capable of. Maybe then we will realise that we are just ordinary human beings and we would be amazed on how love comes naturally to us....
SURVIVING LONELINESS
Today is the 10th of August 2011. This is a very significant date for me. Exactly one year ago on this date, my husband at that time finally agreed to divorce me in the court of law. After a battle of pointing fingers, accusing who did what and the reason for the break in our marriage, he finally agreed to let me go. This date is meaningful to me because this is when I got my indipendence. So for my 1 year anniversary of gaining freedom to rule my own life, I am sharing a little something I wrote as I was struggling sometime last year...
September 2nd, 2010.
I have never believed in the social system. The social system which forces us to live our lives according to the norms, standards and cultures of its members. I am an individual and I set my own rules, I refuse to be refined by anyone else. Yet the hurtful things people say about me and my divorce is killing my spirit bit by bit.
As I type this, I feel the lump in my throat, so huge I can barely swallow. After 8 months of separation, I am finally free to live my life but I don't feel the relief I was hoping for. There's nothing but dread. I dread meeting people I know and having to explain what has happened, over and over again. I dread hearing the nasty things people say behind my back.
Right now, I just don't want anybody around me. I have been poked and tormented emotionally. I want to be on my own to grieve. I want to feel sorry for myself for wasting 14 precious years of my life. I don't want to hear any sympathetic words. I want to be illogical, self-pitying, self-examining, bitter and lost.
As I lay here on my cheap Dunlopillo, my head is wandering much. At times it has stalled in its wandering but not tonight. My mind has bounced from numbness to feeling too much. I realise I am digging deep to find a memory of our marriage. Why? Could it be to console myself? I don't know...
A relationship which was built based on love, trust and hope has now collapsed. I always thought our marriage could survive anything as long as we both tried. But then I found myself having to try to try. I dug beneath the layers of complexities we'd created over the 14 years to get to the beginning of the relationship.
What was it that we had then that I feel is lacking now? What was the thing that could make two people want to promise one another to spend every day of the rest of their lives together? Yes, it was a thing called love. A small simple word. If only it didn't mean so much, our marriage could be flawless.
I had no choice but to seek a divorce. I dread going back to a loveless marriage.I dread giving myself to someone I had no feelings for.
I dread living every day of the rest of my life hoping I was somewhere else. And all I want is...love.
Love. Love gives meaning to our lives - as do family, friendship and faith in God. But there is the other side. There is the cruelty of life, the pain, the evil. It is between these two that we live our past, present and future. Though I am severely hurt by some, I can never forget those who lent me their shoulders to cry on and gave me strength to move on.
When I look at the short duration of my life, I am frightened and astonished at being here. I know there is a reason for everything. There is a reason for my marriage. A damn good one - my kids!
I am here today, living my life alone because I chose to. It is simply because I am just that imporant to me. I deserve happiness. I deserve a peaceful life. I deserve everything everything this world has to offer. But most of all...I deserve to be loved as much as I want to love. I deserve love.
And so today, I free myself from the memories of yesterday and I shall embark on my journey to seek love. I truly believe there is someone, somewhere, waiting for me...
September 2nd, 2010.
I have never believed in the social system. The social system which forces us to live our lives according to the norms, standards and cultures of its members. I am an individual and I set my own rules, I refuse to be refined by anyone else. Yet the hurtful things people say about me and my divorce is killing my spirit bit by bit.
As I type this, I feel the lump in my throat, so huge I can barely swallow. After 8 months of separation, I am finally free to live my life but I don't feel the relief I was hoping for. There's nothing but dread. I dread meeting people I know and having to explain what has happened, over and over again. I dread hearing the nasty things people say behind my back.
Right now, I just don't want anybody around me. I have been poked and tormented emotionally. I want to be on my own to grieve. I want to feel sorry for myself for wasting 14 precious years of my life. I don't want to hear any sympathetic words. I want to be illogical, self-pitying, self-examining, bitter and lost.
As I lay here on my cheap Dunlopillo, my head is wandering much. At times it has stalled in its wandering but not tonight. My mind has bounced from numbness to feeling too much. I realise I am digging deep to find a memory of our marriage. Why? Could it be to console myself? I don't know...
A relationship which was built based on love, trust and hope has now collapsed. I always thought our marriage could survive anything as long as we both tried. But then I found myself having to try to try. I dug beneath the layers of complexities we'd created over the 14 years to get to the beginning of the relationship.
What was it that we had then that I feel is lacking now? What was the thing that could make two people want to promise one another to spend every day of the rest of their lives together? Yes, it was a thing called love. A small simple word. If only it didn't mean so much, our marriage could be flawless.
I had no choice but to seek a divorce. I dread going back to a loveless marriage.I dread giving myself to someone I had no feelings for.
I dread living every day of the rest of my life hoping I was somewhere else. And all I want is...love.
Love. Love gives meaning to our lives - as do family, friendship and faith in God. But there is the other side. There is the cruelty of life, the pain, the evil. It is between these two that we live our past, present and future. Though I am severely hurt by some, I can never forget those who lent me their shoulders to cry on and gave me strength to move on.
When I look at the short duration of my life, I am frightened and astonished at being here. I know there is a reason for everything. There is a reason for my marriage. A damn good one - my kids!
I am here today, living my life alone because I chose to. It is simply because I am just that imporant to me. I deserve happiness. I deserve a peaceful life. I deserve everything everything this world has to offer. But most of all...I deserve to be loved as much as I want to love. I deserve love.
And so today, I free myself from the memories of yesterday and I shall embark on my journey to seek love. I truly believe there is someone, somewhere, waiting for me...
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